Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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