He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
