dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
