That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
