Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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