I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
