There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
