Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize