I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
