Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
