im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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