Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
