I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
