i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
