Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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