The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
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