Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
