i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
