we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize