If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
