dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
