I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
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