oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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