apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
