oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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