Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
even my farts smell like vagina
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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