That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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