like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
