I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't deserve a penis
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
