or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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