Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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