Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
