Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Sober January is a disaster.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
