I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
