woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
