remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
