I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
