I think I just saw someone hide a body.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
