and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
