i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize