if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
