i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
