Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
and she was petting her beer can
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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