There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
