i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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