I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just gargled with NyQuil
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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