i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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