so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
