C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
