As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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