i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
