Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
