if i can run in heels then i can drive
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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