Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
