No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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