are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
