DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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