You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
