Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
