Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
