Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
