cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize