he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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