It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
