i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
