I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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