So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
