too bad you live with your parents still
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
