fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
