I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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