so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
