Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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