I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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