When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize