I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
