The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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