my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
