it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
