I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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