Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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