Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
