Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
