I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
