Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
