I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
