Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
