Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
