Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
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