I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
