Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
