it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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