This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
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