I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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