I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
FUCK WHALES
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