hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I will pee on everything he values.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
