Who wears a wallet chain?!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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