She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
